When it comes to creating spaces where people feel instantly at home, Demilade has mastered the art. After living different lives as a lawyer in Lagos and a consultant in the U.S., she returned to Nigeria with a fresh vision—one that blended her love for intimate gatherings with the need for community. And so, My Friend's House was born, a space where people can hang out, feel at ease, and connect without the formalities of traditional social settings. Described as a haven "for when you want to be at home but not in your own home," My Friend's House speaks to the heart of community and belonging, especially for those finding it hard to make new friends as adults.
In this conversation, we dive into Demilade’s journey of building My Friend's House, exploring how her personal love for small gatherings inspired her to create a space that prioritises comfort, connection, and shared experiences. From movie nights and game nights to impromptu karaoke sessions, My Friend's House is all about offering a third space where guests can relax, meet new people, and just be themselves—without the pressure of spending a lot or conforming to expectations.
Can you tell me about your background and what inspired you to start My Friend's House?
A lot of the time, I feel like I’ve lived different lives, and this feels like my third. There’s not much from the first two—when I was a lawyer in Lagos or a consultant in the U.S.—that directly impacts My Friend’s House. But one thing has always been constant: my love for community and small, intimate gatherings. I’ve always leaned towards spending time with a small group of people for hours on end rather than being in large crowds, which can overwhelm me.
Coming back to Lagos can be challenging. It’s difficult to make friends as an adult. It’s hard to find people who share your interests outside of work or church. Some people, especially extroverts, naturally build community—they can go out, meet people at clubs, and easily form connections. But for others, it’s harder, and they need a bit more of a nudge.
My Friend’s House became my way of saying, “Hey, these are the things I enjoy doing. If you like them too, come join me.” And since then, it’s grown
I agree with you on the difficulty of making friends as an adult. But how did it go from just having the idea to now making it a reality?
When I moved back to Lagos, I wasn’t working yet, and I felt like there wasn’t much for me to do. My days were spent waiting for my friends who had jobs to finish work so I could talk to them. I found myself cooking all the time, and eventually, I just decided to share it. Hosting dinner parties and bringing people together is something I love, so it made sense to create a space for that. One day, my mentor and advisor said, “Perfection is the enemy of good.” Then it all clicked for me, sometimes, you just have to start.
That mindset is very much in line with who I am—when I have an idea, I execute it immediately, sometimes within the hour, without putting too much thought into the long-term logistics. Growing up, I moved around a lot, and I’ve always just had this belief that things tend to work out. I’ve learned to move with blind faith, knowing that even if things don’t go as planned, it’s not the end of the world. If it doesn’t work out, we pivot. If it does, great, we keep going. There’s no secret sauce or magic formula behind it—my approach is simple: wake up, have an idea, execute it.
It’s like people who hit the gym early in the morning. They don’t give themselves time to think about how tired they are—they just get up and go. By the time their brain fully wakes up, they’re already halfway there. That’s how I treat My Friend’s House and a lot of my ideas. I dive in, and by the time my brain catches up, I’m too far in to turn back, so we have to make it work. Often, things turn out differently than I originally planned, and I’m perfectly fine with that. I’m happy to let things unfold naturally, without forcing myself to stick to a rigid path. The only thing I make sure of is that I start.
I love the idea of just starting something. Don’t overthink it, because by the time you spend too long planning and analysing, you get fatigued.
Exactly! If you spend too much time thinking about it, you get fatigued—paralysis sets in. You just won’t do anything because you're overthinking. Take my Disney Adult Karaoke event in December, for example. I was on TikTok one day and made a video about how much I love Disney songs and how I’d love to one day sing along with food, drinks, and other people. It wasn’t super viral or anything—maybe it got 1,000 or 2,000 views. But I figured, why not? I announced it, thinking we’d do one event with maybe 15 people, just enough to cover the cost of the food. It didn’t have to be a big money-maker.
But to my surprise, it ended up being really popular! That’s the thing with My Friend’s House—sometimes, it’s about listening to what people want and giving them exactly that. Sure, I know at some point I’ll have to sit down and think about how to make it more sustainable and long-lasting. As long as we’re able to cover our costs, it gives us the flexibility to try new things. Sometimes, we stumble upon gems, and other times, we create a small, enjoyable experience for 20 people—and that’s equally rewarding.
I'm glad you brought that up. The business and profit aspect of such a space. Do you think it can take away from the community aspect?
I believe community should be more of an altruistic venture. Realistically, it’s something that should be supported by the government, funded as a public service or through charities and donors. But with the world becoming so capitalistic, the question now is, "How am I going to get my money back?" And that’s what has stopped people from forming real connections. In the past, if you were new to an area, you could go to the local community centre, join clubs, or attend events. Now, we don’t have that as much anymore.
A lot of things have moved online, which is great—now I can access events happening in Tokyo, but the reality is, I’m not actually in Tokyo. So while that access is valuable, it’s not a full experience. Of course, the business aspect can’t be ignored. But my hope is to create sustainable projects that can fund other community-building activities. We, as people, need these spaces. I can’t spend all my time just going from work to home—there has to be a third place, a space for community and connection.
I also think it’s important not to rely on friends to tell us what’s going on all the time. Someone told me in December, after coming from the UK, that she really enjoyed our event because she didn’t have to call a friend in Lagos to find out what was happening—she found the event herself and just showed up. And that’s exactly what we’re trying to create: a space where you can discover and participate in activities without needing someone to show you the way.
I think it's so important because, as young people, what we're really missing is a third space—somewhere beyond home and work. That's exactly what My Friend's House represents. It's a place where you can just come, hang out, and be yourself with no expectations.
No expectations. There's no dress code. Our movie and TV nights are free. You can spend as much or as little as you want. And while this might be more unique to Nigeria, sometimes it feels like to really enjoy yourself in Lagos, you have to spend a good amount of money. That’s why, whenever people message me asking, “Do I need to pay? Is it free? What do I need to know?” my answer is always the same: “You don’t need to know anything. The movie starts around 7:30. If you want a drink, there's a bar. If you want food, just order from the waiters. If you don't want to spend any money, that’s fine—the movie will still be playing.”
It's great to know I can create a space where people can have a good time, regardless of their budget. Not every event can be like that—some will cost more—but I do try to keep things reasonable and offer a good mix.
That's super important. I wanted to know how you cultivate a feeling of comfort and belonging with your guests.
One of the beautiful things about My Friend’s House is that most of the people who come already feel like they know me, thanks to social media, especially TikTok. They’ve seen my journey, maybe watched me cook or share an opinion, so when they show up, it’s like we’ve already spoken. That initial familiarity helps people feel comfortable. But what I’m really mindful of is not forcing anyone to be comfortable—if that makes sense. I grew up shy, and I know how frustrating it is when people try to drag you out of your shell before you’re ready. So, I try not to draw attention to anyone’s shyness. I allow people to come as they are. If you're extroverted, colourful, and vibrant, great. Be yourself. If you're quiet, laid-back, or more introverted, that’s perfectly fine too. I think what happens is people feel comfortable just being themselves, however they show up.
It’s not a space where everyone has to sing along to Disney songs. If you just want to sit back, watch others sing, and enjoy the environment, you’re totally welcome to do that. And maybe the next time you come, you’ll feel more comfortable and open up a little. But I never want to force the vibe. There’s room for extroverts and introverts to exist in the same space, having fun in their own way, even if that fun looks different to each person.
That’s a fantastic approach! You mentioned that movie nights and game nights are big parts of My Friend's House. How do you decide what events to host, and how do you bring people in for them?
When deciding what events to host, I always ask myself, “What would I like to attend?” It’s like when you’re trying to make friends—people always say to go do something you enjoy, and you’ll naturally bond with others who enjoy the same thing. So I don’t try to host events that I think will be popular just for the sake of it. I ask myself, “Demi, what are you into right now?” Then I put it out there, and people who are also interested will find it—whether through TikTok, Instagram, or word of mouth.
For example, let’s say the biggest thing to do in Lagos is paintballing. Just because it’s popular doesn’t mean I’d host a paintballing event, because I don’t like paintballing. But maybe I’m really into bird-watching, so I’ll host a bird-watching event. That way, I’m excited about it, and that enthusiasm shows. It wouldn’t make sense to host an event I’m not passionate about, just because it’s trendy. The energy would be off, and people could tell I’m not really into it. So that’s how I approach event planning—I follow my own interests, and the community naturally grows from there, organically. There’s no need to force it.
Sometimes, people request events, and I’ll listen if it’s something I’m into. If someone suggests candle-making and I think, “Actually, I do like making candles,” I’ll plan a candle-making event. Five people might show up, and that’s great. But if I’m not doing an event someone requested, it’s probably because I know I couldn’t host it well. I also believe I don’t have to do everything. There’s space for other third spaces to focus on niche things. My Friend’s House doesn’t have to cover all the bases. I focus on what I enjoy, and the people who are interested will come.
For movie nights, I usually just run a poll on Instagram. I pick five movies, people vote, and whichever gets the most votes wins!
That makes sense. From watching your TikToks, reels, and highlights from your events, it’s clear that food plays a big role at My Friend’s House, and beyond that, you seem to enjoy cooking. Could you talk a bit about your relationship with food and how it influences your space?
My love is less about cooking and more about eating. But I can’t always eat out, so I’ve had to learn to make certain dishes myself. It’s kind of like going to the gym: most people don’t really enjoy the gym itself, but they like the results. In the same way, I like eating, so in order to eat, I have to cook. I used to really hate being in the kitchen, and even now, sometimes I still feel that way. So I try to make the experience more enjoyable—maybe I’ll pour a glass of wine or juice, put on some music, or have a TV show playing in the background. It turns into an unwinding activity, and my reward at the end is a delicious meal.
Food definitely brings people together, but it’s not the main focus of My Friend’s House. I’d love to invite chefs into the kitchen for dinners, or explore different cuisines. I can’t, and don’t want to, cook everything myself. There’s space for others to contribute, and I’m excited to see how that evolves.
Fun! Are there any new ideas or fresh perspectives you’d like to bring to My Friend’s House?
Definitely. I have a lot of ideas I want to explore, but it all comes down to timing, execution, and finding the right partners to collaborate with. Like I said, I’d love to bring in more people for our dinners, but I also want to expand into more community-focused events. I’d like to branch out into other areas—maybe host a yearly planning session or a CV and career-building workshop.
It’s about making My Friend’s House a space that impacts not just your social life, but also your personal or professional life. Anything you could do at a friend’s house, you should be able to do here.
What’s the frequency of events at My Friend’s House? Is there a set schedule?
We do movie nights roughly twice a month. If there’s a popular TV show, we might have weekly viewing parties. We also host two dinners a month, usually back to back. This year, I’m hoping to offer private events—so it’s like, instead of My Friend’s House, it becomes Your Friend’s House. You and a group of friends can book a curated night where we cook, host, and plan activities for you. We can do this in your space or ours. It’ll depend on demand, but it’s something I’d like to introduce this year.
That sounds like a lot of fun. What do you hope people take away from their experience at My Friend’s House?
I hope people make new friends and enjoy a memorable evening. Ultimately, I just want them to feel like they’ve done something different, had fun, and experienced something new. It’s all about the connections.
I love that. It’s so comforting to know spaces like this exist. Thank you so much for your time—it’s been great talking to you.
Image sources: My Friend's House and Demilade.
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